I have those moments that just make me smile; there are little reminders of Daniel and his absolute dedication to us. Though he is deeply missed, there is much comfort and even joy daily. Recently, while cleaning the bathroom closet, I came across Daniel’s shampoo. After he passed, the boys got to use it for a while, and then I stuck the remaining shampoo in the back of the closet. Now, instinctively, I opened the cap. I took a deep sniff. Without even knowing what I was doing, I felt myself relax completely. Yes ... Life with Daniel was relaxing and good. Neither of us was perfect, but together we looked to God to work on past our failures and weaknesses.
On the bar stool, I stood there, cleaning the top shelf and staring at a blue bottle of shampoo in my hand. Really? Did Daniel actually pass?
Then there was that choice again. While resistance over his death stared me in the face, there was no doubt where that mindset would take me, and I didn’t want the results it has brought me when I had given in to it before. I took a breath, “God, I accept this ... I no longer have Daniel here with me, I will not be able to smell his freshly washed hair again.” God knew how much I loved him and still do; nonetheless, I am not cheated, it is simply where God would have both of us right now.
So yes, days melt away; they are not the same as they used to be, but with the presence of God’s Spirit, life is so good.
This week I had sweet reminders of love. So take a moment to get the picture: I love being a mom and helping the children around the house and farm, still I have my weary times and those moments where crashing in bed would look much more attractive than doing what it takes to get everyone there.
Daniel was the one who would cheer me on when the going got rough. Yesterday, little Joshua gave me a beautiful example of love. It was Monday morning and with things that had turned up I knew the day could be quite intense. When I found out that Daniel’s parents are going to Vincennces, I asked if they would be interested in taking Joshua with them. They readily agreed.
Joshua was all excited and stood outside, waiting 45 minutes before they arrived to pick him up.
Several hours later they returned home. An excited little lad came running up to me and wrapped his arms around my legs. “Mom! They are for you. I bought flowers for you!”
“Joshua wanted to buy flowers for you,” Grandma explained. “We looked and looked, trying to decide which ones you would like, then Joshua said you like purple.”
I hugged my little curly head with shining eyes and thanked him. How did he know I like purple, I wondered. Being shorter for his age makes him seem younger than he is, though he’s pleased to let people know he just had his fourth birthday.
The flowers were truly exceptional. The brilliant purple petunias now bloom in their beauty in a hanging basket on our front porch. Thanks to Grandpas, no flowers get paid on there own, you know.
Later that afternoon while re-potting a house plant, I asked Joshua, “And how did you know that I like purple?”
“Because you once told me, when you were rocking me!”
I have no memory of it at all. Know what? Your labors of love are also not in vain, no matter where you are called to be. Some jobs are simply thankless and get to be down right boring, but in the end God has a promise for all who continue on — we will reap if we faint not. Keep on!
I’ll close with a recipe I would love to make for Daniel. It was a specialty when he was growing up, and became one of my favorites after we got married.
Rhubarb Cake Dessert
Step 1 (Bottom Layer)
1 cup butter
1 cup brown sugar
2 cups flour
Step 2 (Second Layer)
6 egg yolks
2 cups sugar
3/4 cup flour
1/4 tsp. salt
1 cup sweet cream
5 cups rhubarb, finely chopped
Step 3 (Third Layer)
6 egg whites, stiffly beaten
1 cup sugar
Pinch of salt
2 Tbsp. vanilla
Instructions: Step 1, mix ingredients and press into a 9 inch by 13 inch pan. Step 2, mix well and spoon over bottom layer. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 40-45 minutes. Step 3, stir 1 cup sugar into egg whites. Add salt, vanilla and beat whites until stiff. Spread meringue on top of crumb mixture.
Take out of oven and top with meringue. Put back in oven on top shelf for 20 minutes or until browned.
Gloria Yoder is an Amish house-wife in rural Illinois. She is the third writer of The Amish Cook column since its inception in 1991. Yoder can be reached by writing: The Amish Cook, P.O. Box 157, Middletown, Ohio 45042.
